ministry mixed messages

Scene: you’re in the throes of it… busy week at the church… you get an atypical “short” text from your pastor with feedback from the last weekend. What’s the feeling? Anxious? Frustrated? Discouraged? If this, or something like it, has ever happened to you... Read on…

In Today’s Email

1. 2 Ways To Handle Confusing Communication

2. Health Check 2.0 is LIVE!!

3. Cuss on Anxiety and our Awareness of God

2 Ways to Handle Confusing Communication

We send and receive confusing communication all the time. On a ministry staff, you will send and receive confusing communication to and from other staff members. This will happen with your volunteers. This will happen with the congregants of your church.

Confusing Communication = a message you receive that is ambiguous in its intent, atypical in its form or timing, or uncharacteristic of the person who sent it to you.

In short, it is anything that catches you off guard, either because of the content or the timing of the message, and creates an anxious or defensive posture in you.

Examples:
- You get the infamous, “We need to talk” or “Can you swing by my office” text from your pastor.
- You catch a sarcastic comment from a volunteer about a direction you’ve given
- You walk into a critical email from someone in the congregation on Monday morning

These instances of communication cause anxiety within us. And with anxiety comes this reflex to make sense of the message as soon as possible to prepare our defense to the message as soon as possible.

When we do this, we carry the anxiety and act out of it. What if there was a better, more helpful way to handle confusing communication?

Here are two quick things to try:

1. Assume the Best

When presented with an ambiguous message, one in which we don’t have all of the content or all of the context, we have two choices.

One, we can assume that the ambiguity signals hurtful intent. Or, two, we can choose to assume other possible reasons for the ambiguity.

“They were probably in a rush or mid-project.”

“They might just be really stressed today.”

Isn’t it amazing how, when left to fill in the gaps, we are so bent to assume the worst? Assuming the best allows you to walk into the ambiguity with a settledness that will be appropriate and helpful for whatever it is that you actually are walking into.

2. Pass the Basketball

When someone sends us confusing communication, we feel the weight of it. Author Steve Cuss would say that someone has passed us the “basketball” of anxiety. Now we hold that burden.

One of the most helpful things we can do is to pass it back to the person. Now, don’t think of yourself metaphorically chucking the ball back to them. Instead, you gently toss it back. We do this by asking questions for clarity. It can look like this:

“Hey. I heard your comment about that extra bridge I called out in rehearsal. It seemed like you were a little frustrated by it. Is there anything you want talk about? I’d love to hear your feedback.”

“I saw your email with feedback from the weekend. I appreciate it! Was there anything else you wanted to talk about regarding the weekend? I wanted to make sure you are feeling good and that we are on the same page about everything.”

What this does is it now puts the burden of clarity on the original giver of communication. If there is something more or deeper they wanted to communicate, you’ve given them a safe opportunity to do so.

Pro Tip: written communication is often the culprit of confusion. Do your basketball passing in person!

Notice Yourself

While confusing communication might seem like it says a lot about the one sending the message, how we respond and receive it reveals so much about ourselves.

Next time you receive confusing communication, notice your gut-level response to it. Write it down.

What if you became a non-anxious presence on your staff? What if your steadiness helped calm the storm of anxiety in others?

Healthy communication promotes healthy ministry. Unhealthy and confusing communication disrupts ministry. It should be no wonder that the Enemy loves to work in this space.

We HIGHLY recommend reading Steve Cuss’ book, Managing Leadership Anxiety. It’s been a huge help to us!

Health Check 2.0 is LIVE!

The brand new “big brother” version of our Health Check is LIVE!

Here is what is different:

✅ Personalized Downloadable PDF Report
✅ 5 New Categories of Ministry Health
✅ Added Resources

So, worship leader, how are you, really? Take the new Health Check today!

Cuss on Anxiety and our Awareness of God

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